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Showing posts from September, 2018

Why Didn't I Report It?

When I was 17, I went with friends to a party at a boy's house from another school. I drank too much and passed out. I don't remember much about the incident, but I woke up with my friend screaming at a boy, pulling me up and dragging me to the car. She told me that she came looking for me and found me passed out. The boy had his penis in my face. I don't remember it. Thankfully.

I never told my parents who would have said, "How stupid could you be? You shouldn't have put yourself in that position." They would not have said, "No one should put his penis in your face without your consent."

A few months ago, I saw a picture of that boy on social media. He's a man now. With a beautiful family. He probably doesn't remember that night. I wondered: What might have happened if my friend didn't walk in and tell him to get his dick out of my face? Were there were other girls whose friends didn't come looking for them? Did they ever tell anyone…

Save Yourself.

It's been almost a month since we took our only son to college. A month seemed like a pleasant, arbitrary number at which point I would have gotten past crying, worrying, and sadness. After a month, I'll be able to walk into his room and not feel like I'm going to throw up. By the time a month has passed we'll have settled into some sort of new routine. And in some ways we have.
But here are some other truths:
I still miss him every day.
Saying goodbye fucking sucks every time.
I worry and sometimes wish he would come home and go to a closer college.
He has changed dramatically in a month.
He is far braver than I knew.

Also a month ago, Brad and I had a conversation about my not wanting to do something because it scared me. Brad said, "Baby, we can't not do things because they scare us." Au contraire, mon cheri. I have spent most of my life firmly planted in my comfort zone, and it has worked out pretty well actually. But lately some nagging things indic…