Skip to main content

Open your heart

I write a lot about movies. Books and movies impact me significantly. Peyton has wanted to see Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, so last night we watched it. It's about a little boy whose dad is killed in the 9-11 attacks, and he embarks on a journey to find some connection to his dad. It's beautiful and tragic and inspiring and heartbreaking. I'm pretty sure I haven't cried that hard since my own dad died. And I thought about all the quests I undertake: a closer relationship with God, a better understanding of life, self-improvement in all forms. I believe that I try so hard so that I can be better for everyone around me: a better wife, mom, daughter, sister, friend, employee and more.

Usually what I find is that the answers I so desperately seek all ready reside within me, waiting for my mind to quiet down so that in the stillness, they might whisper their wisdom into my heart. My dear friend, who also overthinks her way through life, found a sign exemplifying this sentiment. It read simply:

IN SEARCH OF GOD
I WENT TO THE HOLY
LAND, TO MECCA & TO
ROME.
I VISITED MANY
CHURCHES, TEMPLES & MOSQUES.
I CLIMBED THE TALLEST
MOUNTAIN.
I LOOKED IN THE BOOKS
OF OLD EASTERN
RELIGION TO NO AVAIL.
I OPENED MY HEART &
THAT IS WHERE HE WAS.
--MEVLANA

I keep that quote taped to my kitchen cupboard to remind myself of all the time I spend searching, when God has given me all the tools I need. My job is to let go of thinking that I can do everything--anything, really--on my own, and give over my will to Him. A few weeks ago, a guest pastor at our church said during his sermon that we should pray to follow God and ask Him to take care of all the rest. So I've been trying to do that. He has shown me in HUGE ways that He will do exactly that, if I just move out of the way.

When Chloe was awarded a full scholarship, I was so overwhelmed with emotion that I did nothing but cry and thank God for days. One of my best friends asked, "What were you praying for?" I did pray, but I couldn't ask for something as materialistic as a scholarship, so I simply prayed for God's will to be done. To receive such a resounding answer just blew me away. Things like that don't happen to us. We struggle and get by and scrimp and save, but for our child to get to go to college for free?

Now, Chloe has worked very hard, gotten good grades, excelled in every area of her life, and is an excellent candidate for a scholarship like this. She will appreciate and not squander this gift. She will make Chatham University proud of what a great choice they made when they chose her. That said, I fully believe that she got this scholarship not only because of her amazing abilities, but also because it is God's will for her.

During this Holy Week, I have been overwhelmed many times with emotion at all of His blessings, but especially the greatest gift God gave us: His son. I have spent many hours praying that I might be a good follower. I have prayed that He will teach me to use whatever gifts He has placed in me for His good. But mostly, I have just prayed to get out of His way.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Did I Love Him Enough?

I just started reading a new book. It's called Weight Loss for People Who Feel Too Much by Colette Baron-Reid, who I discovered on my current favorite podcast: This is Fifty With Sheri and Nancy. It is blowing my mind and showing me that some of the extra pounds I'm carrying don't even belong to me. Seriously. This is yours, this is his, this is hers, and oh wait, THAT? That belongs to a person who isn't even part of my life anymore! Great. Take your shit back.

More on that later. But, listen to the podcast. Seriously, you will love it!

Anyway, while in this super zen, grown-up, boundary-setting, higher self head space, I need to tackle an issue I've been avoiding for about 18 years but really strongly avoiding for the last 6 months. My son is growing up. He graduates from high school on Sunday, and in a few months, he's moving to Columbus to attend THE Ohio State University.

Can I tell you a secret? I used to LOVE everything about THE Ohio State University, bu…

Why Didn't I Report It?

When I was 17, I went with friends to a party at a boy's house from another school. I drank too much and passed out. I don't remember much about the incident, but I woke up with my friend screaming at a boy, pulling me up and dragging me to the car. She told me that she came looking for me and found me passed out. The boy had his penis in my face. I don't remember it. Thankfully.

I never told my parents who would have said, "How stupid could you be? You shouldn't have put yourself in that position." They would not have said, "No one should put his penis in your face without your consent."

A few months ago, I saw a picture of that boy on social media. He's a man now. With a beautiful family. He probably doesn't remember that night. I wondered: What might have happened if my friend didn't walk in and tell him to get his dick out of my face? Were there were other girls whose friends didn't come looking for them? Did they ever tell anyone…

Red Lipstick and Leopard Shoes

A month or so ago my friend and LOBL partner Melissa shared about a few of her favorite things. I loved this post because:
 1) The Sound of Music is one of my all-time favorite movies.
 2) Thinking about your favorite things is a huge mood booster.

In counseling, my therapist walked me through exercises to find a safe calm place inside my mind to go when feeling overwhelmed. The goal is to find peace, comfort, belonging, acceptance, worthiness, etc. within us so we don't need to chase it down from others. I always go to my favorite place: a beautiful little island near Key Largo we visit with our best friends. The first time we went was a magical experience: Dolphins played around the boat splashing in the aquamarine water, and I squealed, "This can't be real!" I tried to capture every single detail so I could go back there in my mind over and over. Any time someone asks me where I want to go, it's here. Always here.

I often write about these things, my favorite…