I am always always always trying to be more present. Look at my kids while they talk about their days instead of calling over my shoulder, "I'm listening; I promise!" while I unload the dishwasher or prep dinner. Enjoy the people I'm with instead of scrolling through social media to see what other people are doing. Sometimes I do pretty well. Other times I don't.
One of my favorite podcasters, Emily P. Freeman (The Next Right Thing) talks about paying attention to how our feeds affect us in "Ignore With Intention." Often we avoid accounts when posts anger or depress us, but sometimes, we need to give ourselves permission to unfollow people with great content if that content makes us feel discontent.
For example, if you're trying unsuccessfully to get pregnant, you might want to avoid a pregnant acquaintance's beautifully curated IG feed that is all bump and nursery pics. Not because you don't love her. Not because you aren't thrilled for her. But because it hurts your heart a little, and you are responsible for protecting that heart.
I'm currently having a hard time with some of my writer friends' accounts because ... they're selling books, and I am not. I love them. I read their work. I buy their books. I'm cheering for them. But right now, daily celebratory posts make me feel more inferior than inspired. It will be okay. But right now I have to guard my heart.
In this spirit, I took Facebook and twitter off my phone. I kept Instagram because I rarely feel icky there; mainly because I follow inspirational accounts. And cats and dogs. And food. I unfollowed #bulletjournals and #yogaeverydamnday because it felt competitive. I'm not trying to win an art contest or press into a handstand so I will namast-ay in my own lane.
I still look at FB and Twitter on my computer sometimes when I'm supposed to be writing, but I usually just like a few posts, retweet a few things and go back to staring at the cursor or online shopping. But I'm considering deleting my FB account for awhile to remove that distraction completely. In all of these things, my intention is to be more fully present with and available for my people. And one of those people will only be living with us full-time for about 200 more days.
I'm going to have to take a break and cry because mid-Tuesday, it has already been a really long week and typing that sentence took me to a dark place.
It's really 2018. My son is really going to college. Also, I have to get my driver's license renewed and change my weight because SHOCKER: I didn't lose 20 pounds.
Before I go any further down this rabbit hole, I'm going to follow Deepak Chopra's advice
T: Take 3 deep breaths
P: Proceed with Kindness, Joy and Love
Another favorite podcast ends with the question, "What's saving your life right now?" Here are my MVPs:
- Oils (in rollers and diffusers and spray bottles)
- Yoga (slow and in mismatched non-Lululemon clothing)
- Bullet journaling (in a very basic composition book with markers I "borrowed" from my daughter)
- The Greatest Showman soundtrack
- Reggae Wine
- Escapist tv: Fixer Upper, The Bachelor, old Grey's Anatomy (like when McDreamy was alive) and Game of Thrones
- Oprah Winfrey's book The Wisdom of Sundays. I never buy books, but I recommend buying this. You'll want to keep it.
- This AE boyfriend flannel that I've worn almost every day for the past week. Even today. For yoga.
It takes a village, y'all. Pray for me as I head to the BMV. What's saving your life right now?