Skip to main content

What's Saving Your Life Right Now?

I am always always always trying to be more present. Look at my kids while they talk about their days instead of calling over my shoulder, "I'm listening; I promise!" while I unload the dishwasher or prep dinner. Enjoy the people I'm with instead of scrolling through social media to see what other people are doing. Sometimes I do pretty well. Other times I don't.

One of my favorite podcasters, Emily P. Freeman (The Next Right Thing) talks about paying attention to how our feeds affect us in "Ignore With Intention." Often we avoid accounts when posts anger or depress us, but sometimes, we need to give ourselves permission to unfollow people with great content if that content makes us feel discontent. 

For example, if you're trying unsuccessfully to get pregnant, you might want to avoid a pregnant acquaintance's beautifully curated IG feed that is all bump and nursery pics. Not because you don't love her. Not because you aren't thrilled for her. But because it hurts your heart a little, and you are responsible for protecting that heart. 

I'm currently having a hard time with some of my writer friends' accounts because ... they're selling books, and I am not. I love them. I read their work. I buy their books. I'm cheering for them. But right now, daily celebratory posts make me feel more inferior than inspired. It will be okay. But right now I have to guard my heart.

In this spirit, I took Facebook and twitter off my phone. I kept Instagram because I rarely feel icky there; mainly because I follow inspirational accounts. And cats and dogs. And food. I unfollowed #bulletjournals and #yogaeverydamnday because it felt competitive. I'm not trying to win an art contest or press into a handstand so I will namast-ay in my own lane. 

I still look at FB and Twitter on my computer sometimes when I'm supposed to be writing, but I usually just like a few posts, retweet a few things and go back to staring at the cursor or online shopping. But I'm considering deleting my FB account for awhile to remove that distraction completely. In all of these things, my intention is to be more fully present with and available for my people. And one of those people will only be living with us full-time for about 200 more days. 

I'm going to have to take a break and cry because mid-Tuesday, it has already been a really long week and typing that sentence took me to a dark place.

It's really 2018. My son is really going to college. Also, I have to get my driver's license renewed and change my weight because SHOCKER: I didn't lose 20 pounds. 

Before I go any further down this rabbit hole, I'm going to follow Deepak Chopra's advice

S: Stop
T: Take 3 deep breaths
O: Observe
P: Proceed with Kindness, Joy and Love

Another favorite podcast ends with the question, "What's saving your life right now?" Here are my MVPs:
  1. Oils (in rollers and diffusers and spray bottles)
  2. Yoga (slow and in mismatched non-Lululemon clothing)
  3. Bullet journaling (in a very basic composition book with markers I "borrowed" from my daughter)
  4. The Greatest Showman soundtrack 
  5. Coffee 
  6. Reggae Wine 
  7. Escapist tv: Fixer Upper, The Bachelor, old Grey's Anatomy (like when McDreamy was alive) and Game of Thrones
  8. Meditation
  9. Oprah Winfrey's book The Wisdom of Sundays. I never buy books, but I recommend buying this. You'll want to keep it.
  10. This AE boyfriend flannel that I've worn almost every day for the past week. Even today. For yoga.
It takes a village, y'all. Pray for me as I head to the BMV. What's saving your life right now?


  1. Wait, you can follow a hashtag? I did not know that. (That sounds sarcastic but I seriously did not know.)

    1. You can, lol! I didn’t know either until recently.

  2. I am continuously enlightened, intrigued and motivated by you Mary. Thank you. Move to Florida, there is no weight on your driver license here. Todd

    1. Man, as if we needed any more incentives đŸ˜‚
      Thanks, Todd! I appreciate your kind words ❤️


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Did I Love Him Enough?

I just started reading a new book. It's called Weight Loss for People Who Feel Too Much by Colette Baron-Reid, who I discovered on my current favorite podcast: This is Fifty With Sheri and Nancy. It is blowing my mind and showing me that some of the extra pounds I'm carrying don't even belong to me. Seriously. This is yours, this is his, this is hers, and oh wait, THAT? That belongs to a person who isn't even part of my life anymore! Great. Take your shit back.

More on that later. But, listen to the podcast. Seriously, you will love it!

Anyway, while in this super zen, grown-up, boundary-setting, higher self head space, I need to tackle an issue I've been avoiding for about 18 years but really strongly avoiding for the last 6 months. My son is growing up. He graduates from high school on Sunday, and in a few months, he's moving to Columbus to attend THE Ohio State University.

Can I tell you a secret? I used to LOVE everything about THE Ohio State University, bu…

Why Didn't I Report It?

When I was 17, I went with friends to a party at a boy's house from another school. I drank too much and passed out. I don't remember much about the incident, but I woke up with my friend screaming at a boy, pulling me up and dragging me to the car. She told me that she came looking for me and found me passed out. The boy had his penis in my face. I don't remember it. Thankfully.

I never told my parents who would have said, "How stupid could you be? You shouldn't have put yourself in that position." They would not have said, "No one should put his penis in your face without your consent."

A few months ago, I saw a picture of that boy on social media. He's a man now. With a beautiful family. He probably doesn't remember that night. I wondered: What might have happened if my friend didn't walk in and tell him to get his dick out of my face? Were there were other girls whose friends didn't come looking for them? Did they ever tell anyone…

Before and After

We all have defining moments...instances when something happens--good or bad--and you know from that point forward you'll measure your life in terms of before and after that event. Of course there are sometimes more than one, but there is nearly always one.

For me, it was my brother's death. February 5, 1989. There have been others. A dear friend's death in 1992. Another brother died in 1997. My dad died in 2011. But February 5, that was the one for me.

I started to think of and look at things in terms of before Chris died and after.

Before Chris died, I believed in magic. In God. In miracles. After, I believed that you should never let yourself get too comfortable or trust happiness because it would be ripped away from you.

Before Chris died, I often felt special and love and cherished. For too long after, I felt pretty worthless.

Before Chris died, I believed that I was brave and strong. After he died, I felt weak and afraid when I needed to be brave and strong.

Before …