Too Much of a Good Thing is Still Too Much

Since I'm very vulnerable and transparent here, I am going to confess something: I can be a know-it-all. Not the kind who argues about facts and ideas and theories and politics. Not even the kind who thinks she is always right--at least not in traditional ways. No, I would describe myself as a person who aspires to grow and change and be my best self while helping inspire others to do the same. Whether they want to or not.

Sometimes, that is helpful. Lots of my friends find my "help" inspiring and encouraging--which, for the record is always my goal. But there are also other people who don't want to read the books I suggest or the blogs I write or the podcasts I listen to. Some people aren't interested in my brand of self-improvement. And that is perfectly fine. Just because we don't work the same way doesn't mean we can't be friends.

However, there are others who just really aren't my people. Also, fine.

Brad told me one time that I can be "too much Mary" for some. I get that. I've never tried to be a self-improvement bully, but when something I read or watch or hear impacts me significantly, I want to share it so that others can have similar experiences. Alas, I know now that not everyone can or will or wants all these A-ha moments. So, I've been trying to keep my book, blog, and podcast recommendations to a minimum. Except here. This place is fair game for all my blathering.

For a long time, I subscribed to the philosophy of, "Leave the 99 and go after the 1." That might work in ministry, but in real life, at least in my real life, it's non-productive, nonsensical and painful. It's taken me a long, lonnnnggggg, LOOOOOONNNGG time to figure it out, but I'm getting it. I am making a habit of loving, encouraging, and inspiring the people who love me back (the 99) and letting the others go. Not being everyone's cup of tea doesn't make me a bad person. People disliking me and trying to convince others that I'm a bad person doesn't make me a bad person either. It's tough stuff for a recovering approval junkie to take though.

So, if you're reading this, I'm making a big assumption that you are one of my people or you care what I have to say or maybe the google brought you here via a keyword search for kookaloo, and I'm going to be really frank with you. I want everyone to be happy. Enormously, outrageously, love-cup-overflowing-ly happy. And sometimes, I feel like I see shortcuts to get there and I want to show them to people. "Look right here, if you just do this..." Sometimes, I feel like the blog or sermon that changed my life might change yours too. And sometimes I'm even right. People tell me all the time that my words or someone else's words that I shared really DID impact them. I mean The Four Agreements? Seriously?

Still, other people wish I would shut up and stop being so happy and sharing pictures of my annoyingly beautiful kids and sickeningly hot husband who still loves me after 25 years and our obnoxious tattoos eye-roll. They're not my people. I don't care what they think. I don't care if they like me, and I give up trying to win them over. Today's Ash Wednesday, right? Good. I'm giving it up for Lent.

So, this is self-indulgent, I know. Sometimes I have to get this drivel out of my head to allow me to think clearly. However, I also know that at least one of you reading this relates. Among you are spiritual bullies, and kind-natured know-it-alls and do-gooders who see people not living up to their potential that could benefit from ______. Me too, friends. I'm trying to do better. I'm trying to listen more and advise less. I'm reading more body language (Stuff You Should Know 1-7, ONLY if you're interested) and recommending fewer books. I'm seeking more to understand and less to be understood.

But...I'm a work in progress. So here's a link to my kid's blog. Cause she's fabulosity personified. Peace out.


  1. God, you are SO selfish. It's all about YOU, YOU, YOU! I mean you act like this is YOUR blog. Come ON!

    And now you are too concerned with you to even save others? What would Jesus think? Or Bernie Sanders for that matter. Who might be Jesus. Or at least as close and any politician has or ever will be to being Jesus. Jesus. Jesus H. Christ. Christ. On a crutch.

    I am beside myself and would type more, but I have all my friends to call and tell about this explosion of ego.


    1. Right? It's so obnoxious. And this fucking tattoo already.


Mary Swan-Bell 2012. Theme images by merrymoonmary. Powered by Blogger.