Friday, January 16, 2015

21 Days: Day 12

Well, about 50 of you are hanging in and reading this every day. I'll send you all thank you notes when it's over--most of you probably already got or are getting one though. Today was a spectacularly average day sprinkled with some fun little interactions ... impromptu chats with friends, a phone conversation with a much-missed soul sister, a snowy walk with the dog. Good stuff.

1. My day didn't start so great though. The dog woke me at 4:00 a.m. alerting me to how I'd be spending my morning -- i.e., scrubbing carpet. But, there were still plenty of blessings to count, and I had plenty of extra time to count them.

2. Historically, I've been a worst case scenario thinker. I worried about bad things happening to people I love. In the past few years, however, my life shifted to a degree that I learned to surrender and trust that everything is going to be all right.

For example, Chloe lives in another state. She traveled to two different countries last year. I don't see her very often. Sometimes I don't hear from her before I go to bed. Sometimes, I don't hear from her for almost a whole day; I do start to freak out a little bit when that happens. But mostly, I know that she is okay. I remember my dad telling me, "No matter how old you get, you will always be my baby," and that is the truth. But I am blessed that I get to have an awesome grown-up relationship with her.

Then there's the fact that Brad travels frequently for work. Twenty or so years ago, when I was super jealous and possessive, it would have made me crazy not to know exactly what he was doing. The ladies love that guy. And although he has never done anything to make me mistrust him, there is that shrew-y little voice that sometimes suggests he could be getting into all kinds of mischief. I told that voice not to even go there with me. Once, I surmised that he had a perfect job to have an affair, if, in fact, he wanted to have an affair. He gave me the squinty-eye and reassured me with, "You're silly, baby."

I realized today, as my daughter headed off to New York City, that I didn't even get a little bit of a pit in my stomach. I didn't tell her to be careful or lecture her on all the hidden dangers that could be lurking. She's been lots of places and knows about the dangers. In fact, she is far more worldly than I am. The only thing I felt was genuine excitement for her knowing that she is going to have an amazing time.

Acknowledging that I no longer have to worry about every little thing makes me extremely grateful for the way my molecules have been rearranged.

3. I have to buy more thank you cards. That is all.

I'm writing early because our afternoon and evening are filled up with activities, but today, I'm going to post it instead of messing around thinking, "Oh, I'll edit this later..." because that blew up in my face yesterday. 9 days left, kids. I ate a half an avocado and two carrots for breakfast. The crazy thing is: I enjoyed it.



3 comments:

  1. Don't worry, we got her liquored and sent her and Studly Do-Right off into the Manhattan night to brave the tranny hookers of the West Side.

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    1. And you are just one of many reasons I am a catastrophic thinker. You and I both know that sometimes the worst possible thing that can happen does. But they had a good time with you; thank you :)

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    2. Also, Brad fondly refers to him as "The Sultan."

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