Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Then What?

The first few days of my social media fast, I got a lot accomplished, but now as with many things, I've come to a place of: NEEEXXXXXTTTT! Just yesterday, I invented a fake syndrome and promptly diagnosed Chloe. While her next few months are filled with exciting study and research trips abroad, then there's next semester and then next year, and then she graduates and...Then What?


After discovering this disorder, diagnosing Chloe and then listening to Brad, who has been in his own waiting room of sorts, I realized that I had a relatively mild case as well.

My goal in giving up social media was to focus the extra time on my family, writing, reading, praying, and that has all been successful. However, since Brad and Peyton still use social media, after Lily goes to bed, my brain is on F, and I can't bring myself to do one more productive thing, they are still plugged in. Now, I watch TED Talks and Orange is the New Black* on Netflix.

In the past, I would have gotten on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter. I would have commented on some adorable babies, prayed for all the people with prayer requests, encouraged friends who were feeling down, liked pictures of salads, sushi, smoothies, and sunsets, Amen'ed a couple witty musings, and gone to bed.

That brought this alarming realization: The solitude I craved when too many people pulled pieces of me in too many different directions is really lonely. I am not designed to be by myself on an island (unless it's a warm beautiful one, I could chill there for awhile), writing and reading and making my brain ache. I'm meant to interact with and encourage people. And...guilt: I basically walked away from my mission field by giving up social media.

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhh.

So, I miss you guys. A lot. I could walk away from this fast, but I'm too stubborn to quit before the 40 days is over. I have an issue with finishing things, often muddling through mind-numbingly boring books, yawning and complaining through wretched movies, and torturing myself to varying degrees in the name of not quitting. I haven't come up with a name for this disorder yet, but I will. I'm gonna have to write my own makeshift DSM to keep track of my newly minted psychoses. The ironic other side of that coin is that my word for 2014 is: Persevere. Turns out, just as I can't quit the dumb stuff; I can't finish the important things. Go figure!

Stay classy, San Diego. I'll see you in 17 days.


*If you are unfamiliar with OITNB, it's kind of like the old HBO series Oz but with women. It's about women in prison and has graphic language and sexuality. If that makes you squeamish, it's not the show for you. 

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