You Like Me? You Really LIKE ME?

Over my 40 1/2 years, I have spent a great deal of time and energy trying to make people like me. I don't do that anymore. Don't get me wrong: I try to be kind, compassionate, honest, but I no longer change myself to fit someone else's idea of who/what I should be.

BUT people who knew me when I lost sleep about people not liking me are confused now when I don't care, don't engage, don't kiss anyone's behind. See, if I compliment you, I genuinely mean it. I do like your hair, perfume, outfit or shoes. I really do think you've lost weight and I see that your arms are toned up. For real. I'm not saying that so you like me.

I have been a lot of people's "person" over the years. And I appreciate the opportunity. I love hearing people's stories and have been changed and blessed so many times by those who have trusted me with their secrets. I rarely reciprocate, but it's usually because I feel that my role is that of listener rather than sharer. My brother takes particular offense to this because he is me to many others, while I am usually me to him. I've told him lots of times that I do feel I could talk to him if I needed to; I just rarely feel the need.

Mostly I sort out my problems in my head, in a book, and in writing. I don't trust a lot of people. I guess I have had too many encounters with those who used what I told them in confidence as ammunition down the road. But if and when I want to talk about a problem, I don't find a lack of willing listeners. Surprisingly enough, I digress.

In the recent past, a few people have decided to dislike me. I apologized in the instances where I felt I may have wronged someone, and in the other cases I just prayed for the person and moved on. The fact that I am able to do this is an earth-shattering change. This is the kind of progress that could drive a therapist, if I had one, to publish an amazing case study, retire early and rest on the laurels of helping that one person who seemed beyond help. At least, I think that is how I might feel if I were a therapist who was able to help a seemingly hopeless acceptance addict such as myself.

When I say I'm a vegetarian, people feel the need to tell me why they eat meat or how little meat they eat or that they only eat chicken. I don't make judgements about what anyone else eats. You can eat a rack of ribs next to me; I don't mind. When I say I am a Christian, some people feel the need to explain to me why they don't believe in God. It's cool. God made a crazy huge amazing change in my life, and I am super excited about that. Sometimes it's hard to contain my excitement, but I am not trying to shove it down anyone's throat. I respect people's choices. 

Bottom line: I am blessed by the people who give me feedback positive and negative. I love people whether they are Catholic, Christian, spiritual, or atheist. And if you don't like me? It's okay; I like you anyway, but I'm not gonna lose any sleep over your feelings about me. Because it was never about me anyway.


  1. Holla! You said it right. Sometimes I fall off the "not about you" wagon and beat myself up for breathing. It's a process but I gotta say with 40 looking me in the eye, I let go of what isn't mine with more regularity. The more I release, the more I fill up with love. One of these days we are going to float together and I will tell you in person how awesome you are.

    1. Thank you, dear friend. I always hope when I hear rumors that you're coming into town that we'll see each of these days :) In the meantime, I'm grateful for any connection to your sweet heart.

  2. Well written. I am 26 and I am a lot like you when you were younger. I am always real and I never put on an act to make people like me, but I do care too much when people happen to not like me. I can really feel bad about that. But why? Who cares if someone doesn't like me or doesn't agree with me, right? Thanks for the inspirational post.

    1. Thank you so much for reading :) I was raised to worry what other people thought and to put too much of my self-worth in others' opinions of me. Now, I realize that quite often a person not liking you has far more to do with them than you. So you just keep on being real and don't worry about the haters :)


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