F you, scale.

So I wrote about how great I feel taking my medication and how being medicated is so wonderful and everyone should do it and how I'm embracing my weight gain, and blahbiddyblahblahblah. And those of you who know me, well two of you who know me, called bullshit on that. Said, and I paraphrase, "I know you, and there is no way in hell you are okay with gaining twenty pounds."

I'm not. I'm trying to be, but I'm not. The things that I wrote about, the curves, fewer wrinkles, yep, I like that, I'm good with that. What I'm not good with is getting on the scale and seeing a number that I've only seen when I had to view the scale around a pregnant belly. Why does that stupid number have so much power over me? Why should it matter so much? Why, when I feel good about everything else, does that number get to strike me down every single day? I don't know why. I only know that it does.

I eat very well, no meat--lots of fish--no dairy, only whole grains, lots of fruits and veggies. I go to the gym at least 3 times a week and work out hard. I mean seriously? I'm really not sure what else to do. One other time in my life this happened. I took a medication--that time it was birth control--and gained a bunch of weight. I stopped the medication; the weight fell right off, and I was good. Oh, except that I got pregnant, but that ended up with my sweet little L Bears, so that was good too.

I am contemplating stopping the medication. I just read an article about how depression is our body's (I read that as God's) way of helping us deal with issues. We get flattened, debilitated, so we have no recourse other than to ruminate on our issues and deal with them. Brad asked me what I thought about the article, and I said, "I think it's probably true, but I don't have time to be flattened. I've got three people who need me to be on top of my game."

What do I do? I take the medication, I guess, so I can function. I deal with the weight gain, I guess, because the good outweighs the bad. I just keep on keeping on.


  1. I don't know so much about depression being delivered as a tool to help us deal with issues. The same could be said for additional weight --- unless one is clinically, medically obese, maybe the weight is there to give us the opportunity to deal with issues surrounding it.

    I believe there are going to be times in life where we are sad, and that, generally speaking, trying to medicate ourselves out of mourning or sadness may indeed short-circuit a true healing process. I also believe that the body is a funky little tool, and that all of its little chemicals can get in a stew from which we need extrication. You'll know what you need, and when you need it, and jean size will not be a consideration in that evaluation. XO

  2. Pardon the following message, I am trying to ease into the next step down in the patch sequence.

    Goddammit! It's a fucking number. Look in the fucking mirror. What do you see? Think about your day today. How do you feel? Other than when you looked at the scale, of course. And why exactly do you need a scale? Are you training for some competition in which you have to meet a specific weight requirement? Are you required for some medical reason to monitor your weight religiously? If the answer to those is no, then chuck that fucker in the creek out back.

    If that's the only thing fucking up the way you feel, it's a no-brainer.

    But then, take into account that I am not, and never have been, the most well informed person you know.


  3. Mary, I too understand about the medication and the scale in the past and present. I stay away from the scale. It causes more stress than we already have. I've lost 25lbs and it took a LONG time before I seen the numbers move. What mattered was that my clothes were looser and I was able to feel the difference. Due note that muscle weighs more than fat so is it possible that you are gaining muscle? If not, please don't fret if it is the meds. You have a great body at the age we are now. The meds are needed for a reason. If you can take something else without the side effects of gaining weight then ask your doctor. Sweet friend, let the scale go. It's only going to bother you more. Believe me. I know. Sending hugs your way. Stay strong and prayerful. I'm rooting for you. :-)



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